Sunday, June 22, 2008

Something I Just Don't Understand....


The word in itself is just sad.  You hear the word and it instantly evokes unpleasant memories or feelings if you have been impacted by it.  I just don't get it.  I understand it can be hereditary.  I understand it can be from depression.  I understand it can be a medical and emotional vice.  What I don't get, is why would you want to hurt yourself.  Maybe at the moment you just don't know any better.  Maybe you feel so small and insignificant, you need something to take that away.  I wish people knew how terribly it impacted their lives.  How it hurts those who love them.  How sad it is to watch a life being thrown away.  How you wish you could turn back the clock to a time when it wasn't even a thought.  How you wish you could save them from themselves.  

I feel helpless.  

And sad.  

I can't think of anything else right now, other than, how I am affected by it.  How my girls cherish and love this person, and they will not understand why they can't see them.  How sad they will be.  How I will dry their tears, and not be able to explain.  How I must protect their innocence and pray to never have this situation happen to them.   

My stomach is just turning, and I can't even shed the tears that are trying to come out.  It is very hard to give tough love.  I just want to shake them.  Scream.  Plead.  But none of this will help, and I know I must sit back quietly, and watch the sadness unfold.  

My heart is breaking...


  1. Christine~

    I saw this posting and felt the pain of watching someone you love have an addiction. It is such a complicated problem without an easy solution. Remember to show love when you can, pray, hope and believe in miracles!

  2. hey Christine--its called complete hopelessness, sorry for whatever is going on.

  3. I'm sorry Christine:(. I know how painful this must be and I hope that your loved will realize how much pain they are causing all of you and themself.


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